


My Body and Soul, Together

by ParanoidAndroid (HomesickAlien)



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: M/M, love confessions but stupider bc kai ofc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22062505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomesickAlien/pseuds/ParanoidAndroid
Summary: A second happy new year to Vanga！
Relationships: Kai Toshiki/Sendou Aichi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	My Body and Soul, Together

**Author's Note:**

> Im already drunk lol

It’s below freezing when he wakes in the morning.

It takes a whole decade for him to find the motivation to crawl out of bed. The warmth of the heater too low to compete with the indecisive weather of the renewed winter, and his father’s eccentric desire to save electricity by masochistic means. He cocoons himself tighter in the softness of his blanket, making bets in his head for which natural instinct will drive him to face the storm inside; _A need to use the bathroom. A need to satiate his parched throat. The rumble of his stomach. The unpleasant scent of his pajamas._

It’s unintentional, in the end he simply falls out of bed rolling himself up tighter in his blanket. Sprawled upon the carpet lies a mess of a college student. His head is spinning. His eyes are so dreary. But in retrospect, it’s probably warmer here than it would be back home. Probably. 

It isn’t snowing, at least. Just raining, which is enough for him to feel obliged to take the first step of the new day. _The first step of the final day._ There’s been more than one time in his life that kind of phrasing might have been literal, but today, it’s nothing more than a hoax. The “ _final day of the year._ ” He hates to say it so bluntly, but since things have quieted down around the world, it would seem this year in particular had came and went like a tide washing away the nothingness at his feet. 

He’s still young, and he’s still wondering if it’s all been enough. 

Maybe he should start with making breakfast. Which is a lot easier to do here than back home. He wonders what kind of husband he’s going to make anymore; when studying makes up twenty of the twenty four hours in a day, cooking becomes less relevant. And when you wake up fifteen minutes late to that morning class you were totally motivated to take the summer you signed up for it, maybe a breakfast bar or a toaster pastry constitutes a filling meal. Maybe. He doesn’t make a grand ordeal about it despite the totality of the Eve before the next year, even if it doesn’t taste good, even if it’s not that healthy, actually.

“I got unlucky, again.”

He looks at the clock; _9:09_. His father must have already went off to work. Even though it was his will the two spend their holidays together, for once, he’s the first one gone, and the house is mostly quiet in the end. Almost. He can hear tree branches scraping the windows, a heavy wind threatening their good fortunes for tomorrow, which leaves the whole place feeling a little unreal. Everything is so much larger when you’re alone, he wonders where it feels the most painful. Here, or in his empty room in Japan, left only packed boxes of the things not worth sending overseas, and a bed that hasn’t been slept in since high school. He’s barely grown an inch since then, has he?

He wonders what he’ll do after graduating. In his head, it was a great idea, after all. Go to college, get a good job, live in a nice house. _A nice house where?_ Get married. _Married to who?_ Have kids. Have a family. _By what means?_ They’re the fantasies of any young person, probably, but the closer he gets to his graduation period, the more existential dread he burdens. 

Of course, there’s somewhere he wants to be. And of course, there’s someone he wants to be with. But…

His phone starts buzzing incessantly. Such a colorful array of well wishes in messages sent to him. 

_HNY Aichi-kun〜_ ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶ 

_Happy New Year._

_Have a good year, big bro!!_

_Happy ＮＥＷ ＹＥＡＲ！Aichi！（＾◇＾）_

_Start your New Year with a good cardfight!_ ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

It’s hard not to smile, reading their simple words makes him feel right at home. He wonders if Emi managed to stay awake this year, _she’s such an early sleeper,_ and if he should call home now, or wait until midnight strikes here in America for his dad to be home. He isn’t actually given the option to contemplate, exactly six minutes after midnight in Japan, his phone rings, and he can tell by the casual, _cool,_ delay who it might be without even hearing his voice.

“Happy New Year, Kai-kun.”

He didn’t intend for his voice to ring so soundly, to sound so warm and loving. Like he were talking to him for the first time of his life, like he were talking to him in another life, even. He doesn’t ponder on it very long, because he can hear Kai’s smile through the telephone, too.

“To you, too. Aichi.” 

The silence between their words is boundless, frozen in the distant air between them. Even though they aren’t in one another’s presence physically, it feels like he could hold out his hand and touch Kai once again here. Just hearing his voice. Just hearing his heavy breathing— _He sounds like he’s walking._ Rather, he could almost fall back asleep to the sound alone, as comforting as being together he absorbs every second of it like it were his last. Like this moment could never end as long as neither of them speak a word.

Kai isn’t so delicate.

“Have you gotten into any fights, lately?”

“Is that all that’s ever on your mind?”

“Gaillard invited me to another tournament in Europe. I’ve been thinking, though…”

He stops talking, but Aichi can still here the pounding noise of his shoes against pavement. The wind that breezes outside, both outside his window and wherever Kai is. He hears the miscellaneous chatter of some recognizable characters; If he had to guess, it must be Ibuki and Miwa with him. He can hear their soft snickers and teasing voices just distant enough he can’t actually make out any words.

There’s a soft pang in his heart, he realizes a little belated, they must have all been together when they had sent their well wishes to him. Up at _Card Capital_ where they celebrate all their grandiose occasions; over the last few years since the day they all became adults, those who would attend such parties has shifted and changed indiscriminately. Some years, Aichi would be home when Kai was not. Some years, Koutei or Chris would find time to stop by. Some years, even, the ex-diffriders would do what all they could to make amends for the past. Some years, he’s see Jun come in the store when he’d least expect it, or Ren bombastically overthrow the store unbound by Tetsu’s chains. Everyone comes and goes as they please, living their lives mindlessly, and yet no matter who is where, they always manage to catch up as though nothing at all has changed.

He can say as much, but really, he does wish he was there now. To enjoy a passionate card fight at the start of the new year. To relieve his incessant homesickness. Oh, and to see Kai too, of course. Certainly, _that,_ is the furthest from his mind.

He looks away, as if Kai can even see his embarrassment, when Kai suddenly starts up again.

“About the future. About…”

“Settling down?”

“...Mm.”

He catches a laugh in his throat. _So awkward._ Like Aichi himself is any different. When he tries to relate to Kai, the words don’t come. He can’t even begin to express how he feels, not lest he actually face his own feelings head on; He doesn’t even want to think it. His heart races without even forming a thought. He takes a sharp intake to catch his breath. 

“....About that. You know, the kids from the orphanage are growing up, too. One of the girls turned eighteen, recently.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“She asked me how long I was planning on sleeping on Gaillard’s couch.”

Aichi doesn’t refrain from laughing, this time. The meaning doesn’t go over his head; _You two are like a husband and wife who don’t have sex anymore._ A totally boring and domesticated bliss, but for Kai it must be becoming more and more like mooching off Gaillard’s exceptional patience for him. 

Not that Kai doesn’t pay bills, or pull his own weight, or anything of the sort. But, Aichi supposed, by your late twenties you probably shouldn’t still be living with a man who’d sooner have set Kai aflame once. 

Who, apparently, he’s heard, even had the gall to punch Kai square in the face. Even slapped by reality, it seems Kai’s still walking in circles. 

_Guess nothing ever changes, after all._

Aichi smiles warmly. He pours himself a hot drink, sitting himself by the window as though it might bring them closer. At least, it gives him a distraction to watch the birds outside that fear not the early winter’s wind storms.

“You’re laughing, but I haven’t been able to get it off my mind.”

“Worried about getting older?”

“Not exactly. I’m…”

His foot steps starts to sound like crinkles— _snow? Is it snowing there…?—_ And the voices, once distant, are now lost completely. Like Kai had finally found the drive to speak honestly his private thoughts, he always has to work himself up to these things, but Aichi, too, is a very patient man. He listens to the sound of silence as attentively as if Kai were speaking, let’s Kai take the lead to express himself in genuine. It’s a difficult task, after all, for someone so shy and sheltered and distant to understand his feelings, let alone give them a voice. 

Aichi is patient, and kind, and it’s those things about him that make Kai want to reach out and grab his hand and never let go.

“Aichi, I—!”

He hears a miraculously boisterous _thud,_ and the sound of loud, crunching snow. The cracks become so close to his ears it’s apparent that the phone is what had fallen into the snow, but the low groan from Kai’s rugged voice insinuates the phone is not the only one that’s come crashing down.. 

“K—Kai-kun, are you alright?”

 _Argh…_ A grumpy little sigh escapes Kai’s lips when he shuffles to sit himself up. Aichi can only hear the various ambient sounds, laughing with only his breath. “Hey, hey… You’re alright, aren’t you?”

“Aichi.”

“Hm.”

“I’m in love with you.”

_...Huh?_

It’s like his whole brain shuts down and restarts a moment. That pause leaves his face entirely dumbfounded, trying to reconcile every memory in his brain over the last decade. _That was… No way… It was meant to be like that…? It was…_

_It was mutual?_

Sometimes he wants to beat his own head against the wall. Evading his own feelings for such a long time, for fear of the worst possible outcome— _What if he hates me? What if he doesn’t want to be friends…?!_ It would be too painful to bear, in that case. The weight of a one sided love kept private can’t compare. And yet… And yet…!

“Aichi…?”

“Huh… Sorry… Did you… Say something?”

“I’m in love with you.”

“I did hear that, didn’t I…”

Sometimes, the silence is overwhelming. Rather, in this moment alone, it feels like a huge weight of bricks have been dropped on his shoulders, when it’s supposed to feel lighter…! He realizes, he isn’t even breathing, for such a time the line feels entirely dead he almost imagines himself hanging up and calling it an accident, somehow, but that’s when Kai finally reveals his true, honest, Kai self to him.

That of a shy, teenage boy who’s never grown up.

“I really said it!!”

_He really said it._

“I didn’t mean to actually say it!!”

_He definitely never would have said it._

“All because of those idiots teasing me all night while we drank…! I said it! I seriously said it….!”

Aichi stands in his chair, suddenly. Kai can hear it screech against the tile. _Sorry, dad…_

“Let’s get married, Kai-kun.”

“What…?”

“And live in a beautiful house in America.”

“I can’t speak English, Aichi.”

“We’ll have two kids. A boy and a girl.”

“That’s…?!”

“You can stay at home! And I’ll work in astrophysics. You’re a better cook and a well-trained dad.”

“I’m not…!”

“And when our kids grow up, they’ll have kids! We’ll grow old together. And we’ll… And we’ll…!”

He panics a little, when he hears Aichi sobbing suddenly; This heavy, awkward hiccing sobbing that suggests his overflowing emotions leaking desperately out of his eye sockets. They aren’t any particular emotion, but every single emotion ever conceived all rolled up into one singular entity dissolved in his tears. A stupid fantasy, a fantasy that has no real meaning to him beyond being as ideal as being reborn in Heaven with everyone you’ve ever loved.

It’s not logical. That’s why it suits him so well. 

“I thought of all that just now, but really, _Kai-kun._ You’re so cruel.”

“I…?”

“Confessing like this… When all I really want now is to hold you!”

“Th—That’s…!”

“You can’t even hold my hand, Kai-kun!”

“I never thought I would get this far!”

At some point, intentional or not, they’ve gone from speaking casual words to shouting their decade long yearning for one another over the phone. Of course, it’s not done in anger or ever frustration— _You big dummy…_ There’s a huge smile threatening to tear Aichi’s muscles entirely if he tries to grin any larger. 

“All this time…!” Aichi rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “Why wait until now…!”

“...So I could hang up with you said no.”

Such a simple, blunt response. Aichi’s head sizzles as his brain fizzles out completely. He can’t even utter an _ehh…_ to express his loss for words.

“And so, if you rejected me, I could start over as my New Year’s resolution… Was Miwa’s advice.” 

“...You’re such a dork.”

Aichi snorts, pressing his palm to the foggy window, watching his breath condensate against it. It’s cold, but the wind has stopped ringing so bitter in his ears.

“Hey Kai.”

“Mm…”

“I’m in love with you, too. Maybe, since we were kids… Or the day we had our first fight. Maybe it was the day we fought on the eve of the _Link Joker_ invasion. Maybe it was the day you saved me, on the moon, or…”

“On the moon…”

“I know. It sounds pretty silly reminiscing.” Aichi smiles. “Maybe it was when you left just before Christmas, when all that Apostle stuff was happening. When we fought Chaos Breaker together, I thought of our relationship, too, or… Or…”

His thoughts feel like they’re rolling down a hill, right into moving traffic, he feels stupid even trying to chase after them. He’s the one who’s going to be run over, and yet he keeps blathering, on and on his simple hearted feelings that are all so fleeting. A moment that passes on like any other, it feels so significant only because they’ve given it meaning, two human boys in… In...

“Or right now. When I heard your voice over the phone after all this time, I… Kai-kun… _I…”_

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Kai-kun.”

Aichi breathes, a deep, heavy sigh of utter relief. That he, too, could disappear in it. Closing his eyes, smiling softly, the world becomes so clear. Everything, so obvious for the first time in his life, he feels he knows the meaning of their existence in this place.

“I want to be here, with you… Forever.”

“Forever…”

“Yeah. I’ll upgrade you, from Gaillard’s couch to my bed.”

“A—Aichi…!”

“When we meet again, you owe me a passionate _fight,_ **understand**?”

To emphasis his words in English, it sends a shiver down Kai’s spine. Even if it’s only his own heartless teasing, he can imagine the same kind of devilish smile of his from way back when they’d burdened PSYqualia, together. Even though Kai’s hand is shaking, he can’t wait for it. To see Aichi, again. To be in Aichi’s presence, _always._ His heart squeezes tight at his own overactive imagination, that’s as mundane as just being able to work up the courage to hold Aichi’s hand.

The new year has still yet to begin for Aichi, but it feels like the start of the most wonderful time of his life. That everyday, from this day to the next to the next, forever… Will be the best day only because he can hold Kai’s love in his heart.

As selfish as it is, it’s always been this way, after all. Aichi smiles, letting their voices drift back to a comfortable ambience, until the world stops completely. _Where the time goes…_ This, is perfect, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment or be devoured for New Years~


End file.
